HR is Not for Helpers

I’ve always jokingly said that if an applicant comes even remotely close to saying they are interested in the field of HR because they enjoy helping people then the interview is over right then and there – do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars and watch out for that screen door, it’s a doozy!

But it’s not entirely a joke. HR is not for helpers. HR is a fine role for helping and for the helpful but it will take down, gobble up, chew and spit out a dyed-in-the-wool helper every time. There are a few reasons for this but first, let me be clear about what I mean by “helper”.

“Helper” Defined

A helper is someone who is inherently motivated to help, aid, assist another person. By giving this assistance, the helper feels energized. When thanked for the assistance, the helper feels fulfilled. When returned to for additional aid, the helper feels validated. A helper can’t help but help. But a helper also expects their help to be recognized as actually having helped. That’s the key: A helper requires acknowledgment or evidence from others. If you recognize yourself in this description and you hold a job in HR, fear not – there is help!

Let’s first understand why HR is not the place for a helper.

Why HR is Not the Place for a Helper

Helpers Gonna Help

While I expect my HR teams to be helpful, I am also expecting that we are building capability and capacity in the organization and often that is not achieved by “helping”. For example, employees need to learn to self-serve through technology rather than have HR help them find an accessible resource. Managers need to demonstrate strong management practices rather than have HR help deliver a difficult message. Colleagues need to be held accountable for resolving conflicts directly rather than having HR help smooth tensions over. Sometimes helpers – by helping ease the short term pain – are actually preventing us from achieving long term goals.

Happy is Not the Goal

Our job in HR is not to make people happy. We may, in the course of our work, end up with happy people and that’s great but HR’s job is to do good HR regardless of whether it makes people happy or not. In fact, as we know, doing good HR sometimes means that some people will end up quite UN-happy. This can be extremely stressful for the helper as it takes away the positive acknowledgment perceived as so vital to the helper’s wellbeing.

Saying “No” Hurts the Helper’s Heart

“I couldn’t help. They are not helped. I have failed.”

Being Unable Hurts the Helper’s Heart

“They came with a problem. I wasn’t able to solve their problem. I have failed.”

So what can helpers do?

Are we (ahem…I mean they) doomed? Take heart! There is both hope and help. Here are some options:

Helpers Can Leave

If your heart is hurt more often than not and you don’t see a way through, another field which better leverages your strengths could be a much more fulfilling match. A site called O*Net Online is a great resource for uncovering new and different roles that match your skillsets.

Helpers Can Help Themselves

Often the helper is the last person on the helper’s to-be-helped list. Self-care is a particularly challenging concept for the helper as it doesn’t come easy to us (I mean them). In fact, it can be so unfamiliar that it can feel selfish and wrong. But like the flight attendants remind us, we must put the oxygen mask on ourselves before attempting to help others and though this may be one of the most difficult hurdles to overcome, the helper can learn to become self-fulfilled and self-validated. Therapy can work wonders in this effort. Programs like A Course in Miracles can be life-changing. Understanding your motivation factors can provide great insight and a path forward.

Helpers Can Re-define “Helping”

The Coaching Habit is an excellent resource for those who strive to make a difference in people’s lives but who want also to not be enmeshed with other’s issues. This book turns out to be an excellent self-help for helpers.

So, fellow helpers, all is not lost and we can be in HR. We just need to be purposeful about our helping. Consider choosing one of the paths above. Why?

• to meet both the short and long term expectations of your leaders
• to preserve your energy and the important contribution you make to people and the business every day.
• and to become happier and more fulfilled

That’s why.

If you are interested in learning your motivation factors consider joining UPschool. As an UPschool member you have access to the What Drives You? Program that uncovers your unique motivation factors, helping you to ignite your motivation & unlock your best capabilities.