Our brain is wired to motivate us to survive: avoid pain and suffering; go after safety and security. Unfortunately our brain’s software hasn’t been updated in a very very very long time. So stuff that our brain thinks is a threat to our survival include things like:
For most of us, just thinking about doing those things – even if we really really want to do them – causes our heart to beat faster and our palms to sweat and our brain to start cautioning us about all the terrible, horrible, very bad things that might happen if we go forward with any of those very dangerous plans. This is literally the definition of motivation. Our brain is motivated to NOT do those things by virtue of our hard wired human nature to survive (e.g. avoid potential pain and suffering).
No, Brain, Not Like That.
Do you know what our brain IS motivated to do? Stuff it thinks will keep us safe and secure. Things like lash out at a co-worker so as not to be seen as disrespected, tell a not-so-little white lie to avoid being excluded from a community; and abandon our values so as not to jeopardize our boss’ positive view of us.
Here’s how it can work in real life:
Me (wanting freedom and success) : I’d like to start my own business
Brain (wanting safety and security) : Good lord that is too risky!
Me (wanting success) : You’re probably right
Nice person: Hey – I thought you were talking about starting your own business.
Me/Brain: (wanting respect): Oh, well, (pick one: you said you were going to expand yours and look how well that worked out, I looked into it and the market’s not ready, my spouse wouldn’t be supportive)
Me: Ugh, why did I (pick one: lash out; lie; throw my spouse under the bus)???
Brain: Just doing mah job – keeping you safe and secure!
Me: }:-/
The Crazy, Irrational Thing
The crazy irrational thing about the brain’s work here is that it can cause the EXACT PROBLEM we were trying to avoid. In this case, at the very least, we’re left having crossed our own boundaries; compromised our own values. And this happens ALL THE TIME because our brain expands our need for “safety” and “security” to include things like a need for control or respect or to be heard or a need for freedom or anything we think we need to feel safe and secure and comfortable. What this means, is essentially, a bunch of unnamed, untrained, visceral “needs” are in control of how we show up and behave in the world. Hmmm.
Needs Should Not Be in Control.
Needs are needy. They are impulsive and brash. They don’t think things through. And they catapult us into war before we even know who the enemy is. So what can we do?
Know Them. Name Them. Take Control
Know Them
You know your needs. Actually you probably know them by how they feel more than anything. Think of the last time you encountered a behavior you really dislike (dishonesty, complaining, arrogance, etc.). Where did you feel it in that moment? Did you get a tightness in your chest, tingling fingers, tense shoulders or flushed face? That’s a need being triggered. That is your brain producing fight/flight/freeze hormones to fend off the (perceived) attacker.
Name Them
When you get that feeling, name the need. Like so: OMG they are LYING! I DISLIKE dishonesty.
Take Control
My brain is flooding my system with hormones to protect my need for honesty. Thank you, Brain, but I’ve got it from here. I’m going to take a giant cleansing breath and center myself because I know that dishonesty can’t hurt me right this second. So I’m going to calm these hormones down and return you, Brain, to our regularly scheduled program here and pay attention to what’s being said and plan how I’d like to respond.
Plan to try this the next time you know who (the one who clangs your needs) comes sauntering through your doorway.
If you are a human resource management professional interested in learning more about motivation & leadership development, consider joining UPschool. As an UPschool member you have access to programs, workshops, tools, templates and expert guidance/coaching for leadership development, uncovering your unique motivation factors and helping you to ignite your motivation. Unlock your best capabilities!
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