Is working at home messing with your need to succeed?

From a neuropsychological standpoint, we humans all have needs.  Not only a need for the basics like safety, security, belonging but more nuanced needs that are unique to each of us.  A need to succeed may mean you are driven to accomplish things or be the best you can be at something.  A need for control may mean that you work best when you have all the information and have a strong handle on what to expect.  A need for freedom could mean having the autonomy to decide where, how and when to take on a particular activity.  In a situation like this one – self-quarantine, working at home, homeschooling, being separated from friends and family – there’s no question that at least one of your needs is going to be challenged.  

You see, these needs behave – in the brain – the same way the fundamental ones do.  When our fundamental needs are met (I feel safe and secure) we feel comfortable (no need to freak out).  When they are threatened (a gorilla just burst through the door and I am in danger) we feel uncomfortable (total need to freak the heck out). It works the same way with the more nuanced ones: When they are met (I just finished that complex report at the office and did a fine job) we feel good (I am The Bomb). When they are threatened (I can’t @#$#% get this @##$ done because my @#$@#$ family is in the same #@$%$ room!!) we feel uncomfortable ($@%$%!!!).

Now needs are not all bad.  They can be triggered in a good way as well.  For instance, if there is more time in the day – without a commute, at home, with our loved ones – to have a full and meaningful conversation, then needs like those to be heard or be appreciated might be triggered in a positive way.  We are moved to contribute in conversation and we take the time to listen to others and feel appreciated for our attention. 

Living in the midst of a pandemic – it may go without saying – messes with pretty much every need we have in the most insane ways possible. Because, not only are we uncomfortable, but it actually impairs our cognitive ability.  When our needs are triggered – either in a positive or a negative way – our brain goes into alert.  When in alert,  hormones are released which which prompts our brain’s and body’s stress response. You’ve heard the sayings “I was so mad I couldn’t think straight” or “I was scared silly”? Turns out, neuropsychologically, those statements are true. When our brain is in alert or stress response, it focuses the resources of the mid brain on addressing the issue at hand and essentially freezes the operations of the rational, creative, problem solving region in the neocortex.  

You probably didn’t come here for brain science 101 though.  The important thing is that there is something you can do about it.  By better understanding and addressing your needs and how they are typically triggered, you can switch up the power dynamic and take back control.  One of the ways we do that in UPschool and in Uncommon workshops is to use the Energy Drainer exercise.  Another way is to better understand and address our own Hierarchy of Motivation®.  

I’ll be writing more on each of these tools in the coming days.  In the meantime, stay safe, practice good social distance and stay connected. 

P.S.  My need for Freedom just got triggered by that last line and is freaking out (“I’ll do whatever I damn please, thank you very much!”).  Oof, that need can be a handful…

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