Motivated to Fail Part 2: The Need to be Needed

One of the biggest HR Pro needs of all is the need to be needed.

Tell me I’m wrong.

Don’t bother. I’m not wrong. Cases in point: who here reading this right now hasn’t:

• HAD TO RESPOND to something on the weekend or some odd hour of the night
• SAVED payroll by correcting an error last minute
• NARROWLY AVOIDED liability by ensuring documentation was in place
• TALKED DOWN the irate employee and ensured they return to productivity
• NEGOTIATED LIFE SAVING COVERAGE to cover an employee’s spouse
• TACTFULLY FACILITATED an early exit for an exec given advanced intoxication

No? Just me? I think not.

You Love It

And I know I’m not the only one who loves it…the late nights, the last minute requests, the uncertainty of being able to pull it off with diplomacy, aplomb, accuracy and speed…the being needed is so…NEEDED. It’s gratifying, fulfilling and worth-building. It proves we’re contributing and that people appreciate us and that we’re doing a good job.

It’s Unsustainable

It’s also unsustainable because there are only two paths from here my friend – burnout and martyrdom – and neither of them are pretty. In part 1 of this blog post duo I talked about how to avoid letting your Needs take the wheel. But what if we really really enjoy the need. What if we neeeeeeed it? Well, it’s going to be a little more challenging but it is still doable. First, let’s see if you have a problem with the need to be needed. Are you now or have you ever been:

• overextended
• underappreciated
• working late
• unable to say no
• wishing family, friends and/or co-workers would have helped
• making do with less than you need
• more forgiving of others than you are of yourself
• wondering why what’s-their-name asked whoseyface for help and not you
• listening to someone complain about the same thing for the umpteenth time and silently screaming into the back of your plastered-on smile wishing you could finish your lunch that has been sitting there in front of the both of you for 45 minutes ever since they walked in and asked “do you have 5 minutes?”

Still just me? I don’t think so.

It Will Kill You

Listen, the need to be needed is such a beautifully, wonderful and admirable trait. You are there for people, you make a difference, you are reliable, a life saver, an amazing angel. But it will kill you. It will kill you AND THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!! Ok, seriously, what I’m saying is that by giving in the delicious need to be needed and getting gratification from those you help, you are sacrificing a few things of your own that will, over time, deteriorate your well-being – and in some cases the well-being of others: Things like:

• being able to say no
• asking for help yourself
• taking time off to recharge
• letting someone to feel fulfilled in the same way
• allowing people to learn on their own
• eating your lunch

To some of us the above list is scary. If it is scary to you I suggest finding everything Brene Brown has ever written and start reading. Also, martyr.

You’re Worth It

Look, you’re worth just as much as those you help at work and those you love and care for at home. If any of this makes you a little uncomfortable, you probably have some room to stretch into considering some self-care, some personal boundaries or just a dang rest. Like the flight attendants say: oxygen mask on first before helping others. Again with the oxygen mask, Julie?

Yes. It bears repeating.

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